Monday, 30 June 2014

A Bourbon Dunked

I had a bourbon biscuit,
And I dunked it in my tea,
"Egads!" cried out the bourbon,
"What have you done to me?!

"My bottom is all soggy,
My biscuit turned to waste,
My creamy, sweet soft filling
Melting into paste!

"Why did you just do this,
This vile and evil deed,
Against a noble bourbon loved
By every race and creed?"

But guilt came not across my brow
As greedily I dunked
The bourbon back into my tea,
Which left it surely funked.

"The pain," he cried, "The agony!
Oh, have some mercy please!
My sugar is all scalded,
And my innards do so quease.

"I give myself so freely,
For your gluttonous desire,
And yet you do repay me
By filling me with fire!"

But no empathy had I
For my teatime treat,
I cared not what it suffered
Before my belly it would meet.

You see, a soggy bourbon
Melts so lightly on my lips,
Slurping sweet warm tea
From its bloated biscuit tips.

For such a joy I silenced
The compassion of my soul,
And thought purely of the fun
In swallowing him whole.

And so the noble bourbon
I dunked a third time still,
And round the scorching mug of tea
His biscuit I did swill.

He moaned with heavy resignation,
Now at one with his fate,
"Alas, cruel world, my time has come,
To my master's hunger sate."

At last I rose his bloated form
Out from my steaming cup,
But gods above, what horror's this?!
The bourbon's not come up!

Oh woe is me, he's fallen in!
To the bottom of my drink
His bloated, heavy soggen crust
Could not help but sink.

Quickly I did quaff the mug,
Downing it in one,
Without a single moment's thought
For the scalding of my tongue.

And I saw upon the base
Of my elsewhile empty mug,
Lay a lonely drowned bourbon
Melted into mush.

"No!" I cried, "What have I done?!
To such a biscuit pure and true,
Greed has made of me a monster,
To kill one so sweet as you!"

And so I made a solemn vow
To last eternity,
Never again would I dunk
A biscuit in my tea.

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